Harry Potter Gone Wild
by skorva
Summary: The funniest Harry Potter Pick Up lines and Yo Mama Jokes! Use them on teachers, friends, other...not-friends. Or crushes! 100% Cheesy- guaranteed! You'll be sure to laugh your socks off! Actually...I cried laughing.


My personal favourite Harry Potter pick up lines, yo mama, and many more jokes!

Have you heard of Platform 9 and 3/4? Well, I can think of something else with the exact same measurements.

If you were a Dementor, I'd become a criminal just to get your kiss.

My name may not be Luna, but I sure know how to Lovegood!

I know we're not in Professor Flitwick's class, but you still are charming.

My love for you burns like a dying phoenix.

Being without you is like being afflicted with the Cruciatus Curse.

Hagrid's not the only giant on campus, if you know what I mean.

Your name must be Severus Severus, because you're making my prince full blood.

Interested in making some magic together? My wand is at the ready.

I must have had some Felix Felicis, because I think I'm about to get lucky.

Without you I feel like I'm in Azkaban and dementors are sucking away my soul.

I've been whomping my willow thinking about you.

If I were to look into the Mirror of Erised, I'd see the two of us together.

You are like a bottle of Skele-Gro: You're growing me a bone.

You must be magical, because I've fallen under your spell.

I'm not wearing an invisibility cloak, but do you think I could still visit your restricted section tonight?

I'd like to get my basilisk into your chamber

You don't even have to say "Luminos Maxima" to turn me on!

Have you been using the Petrificus Totalus spell? Because you've made me go hard.

?Do you want to head to the Shrieking Shack? We could do some shrieking of our own.

Are you using the Confundus charm or are you just naturally mind blowing?

Come on, let's do it Hippogriff style!

One night with me and they'll be calling you MOANING Myrtle.

I'd let you handle my wand any day!

Is that a wand in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?

They call me "Aguamenti". Just one look at me and they're already wet.

Yo mama's so fat that the Sorting Hat put her in all four houses!

Yo mama's so fat that a wingardium leviosa spell couldn't lift mama's so fat, she makes Hagrid look like "Mini-me".

Yo mama's so fat, she tried to eat Cornelius

Your mama's so ugly, even a dementor wouldn't kiss her!

Yo mama's so fat the Sorting Hat assigned her to the House of Fat!

Your mama's so stupid, she thinks Sirius Black is a hip hop station on satellite.

Your mama's so ugly that the whomping willow saw her and stopped whomping!

Your Mama's so fat, her Patronus is a Double-Whopper with Cheese.

Your mama's so nasty, the Forbidden Forrest was named after her.

Your mama's the reason that Dumbledore turned gay.

Your mama's so old, her boobs look like two upside down Sorting Hats!

Your Mama's so ugly, everybody calls her "She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Naked"

Yo mama's so fat that even the Dementors can't suck her soul out!

Yo mama's so pasty, she makes Ron Weasely look like George Bush.

Yo mama's so fat, she looked in the mirror of Erised and saw a ham!

Yo mama's so ugly that the Dementor's Kiss was swapped out for a hearty handshake and a promise to give her a call.

Yo mama's so stupid, she drowned in a pensieve.

Yo mama's so dumb she thought that she could talk to snakes if she put parsley on her tongue

Yo mama's so nasty, every pair of her panties has the Dark Mark on them.

Yo mama's so fat that if she confronted a boggart it would morph into a Veggie burger!

Yo Mama's so ugly that even Voldemort won't say her name.

Yo Mama's so poor she can't even afford a Gringotts bank.

Yo mama's so fat that the sorting hat couldn't decide where to put her - she couldn't fit in any of the houses!

Yo mama's the only mute prostitue in Hogsmeade. They call her "dumb-le-whore"!

Yo mama's so fat, she ate the Death Eaters in one bite!

Yo mama's so masculine that Dumbledore would sleep with her!

Yo mama's so nasty that the order of the phoenix said "stay away from that woman!"

Yo mama's so poor that Dobby gave her a sock to keep her foot warm.

Yo mama's such a tramp that she's given more rides than the Hogwarts Express!

Yo mama's so fat even Grawp can't pick her up!

Yo mama's so smelly, Bertie Bott made her his next jelly bean "Mama's stinky."

Yo mama's so fat that it takes two boggarts to shape-shift into her!

Yo mama's so ugly that she lost a beauty contest to Mountain Troll!

Yo mama's so ugly that when the basalisk snuck up on her and saw her face, HE dropped dead.

Yo mama's breath is the secret ingredient in the Weasly's Butterscotch.

Yo mama's so ugly that when she walked into Gringotts Wizarding Bank, they gave her a job as a Goblin.

Yo mama's such a tramp that she's like a quidditch broomstick - everyone gets a ride.

Yo mama's so skanky that she's the reason you're called a Half-Blood Prince!

Yo mama's so dumb that a stupify spell actually made her smarter.

Yo mama's so stanky that not even dobby would accept one of her socks.

Yo mama's so fat that even her Quidditch robes have stretch marks.

Yo mama's so old she makes Dumbledore look like a child.

Yo mama's so fat they'd have to use transfiguration to sneak her through the hole in the Gryffindor wall.

Yo mama's so fat, her wand is a Slim Jim.

Yo mama's so fat the core of her wand has a creame center.

Yo mama's so ugly that Voldemort took one look at her and killed HIMSELF!

Yo mama's so poor she had to go to the Weasley's for dinner.

Yo mama's so ugly, she thought that Hogwarts were the growth on her feet.

Yo mama's so ugly that as a baby they had to use the Confundus Charm so the family would play with her.

Yo mama's so ugly she scares the Dementors away!

Yo mama's so ugly that when she asked Crabbe to take her to the Yule Ball, he decided to go with Goyle instead!


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